Guilt Comes with Caregiving.

I’ve always been the kind of person who asks, what if? Not to stir up unnecessary worry, but to be ready. Years ago, I asked myself, “What if I lose my job?” And when I did, I didn’t panic. I already knew my answer. I made a decision that I would never be unemployed. That mindset helped me launch my business, My Office Professionals.

So what does that have to do with caregiving and guilt?

Everything.

Guilt is part of the caregiving journey. It shows up when we feel like we’re not doing enough or when a choice we made didn’t turn out the way we hoped. But guilt is not the boss of me, and it shouldn’t be the boss of you either.

Here’s the truth. Guilt is often misinformed. It’s full of emotion and can cloud our ability to see things clearly. That’s why I try to ask myself ahead of time, what if this happens?, so I can make a decision I’m willing to live with, even if it doesn’t go perfectly.

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say your loved one has mobility issues and they are unsteady on their feet, but you haven’t had a shower in days. You get them comfortable, ask them not to get up, and you go to take a quick shower. When you return, they’ve fallen. You feel terrible. But here’s the thing. You knew the risk. You made the best decision you could in the moment. Feeling guilty won’t change what happened. Learning from it will. 

That's why it's important that we view our guilty feelings with the right perspective.

Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett teaches us that our emotions come from how we think, and those thoughts are shaped by our past, our culture, and what we’ve learned over time. That means we have the power to change what our emotions mean.

Instead of letting guilt tell you you're a bad caregiver, you can decide it means something else. Maybe you feel guilty because you care so deeply and want the best for your loved one. That shift in meaning can make a big difference in how you carry the weight of caregiving.

If this speaks to you, check out Dr. Barrett’s book, How Emotions Are Made. It’s a powerful reminder that you don’t just feel emotions, you help shape them. That's what I call a Caregiver CEO Power Move!

And sometimes, guilt doesn’t even come from you. Sometimes it comes from other people. They’ll question your choices or throw their opinions at you without understanding the full picture. But here’s what you need to remember. You get to own your caregiving journey. You don’t have to accept anyone else’s judgment. You get to decide what the experience and your emotions mean and what you’re going to do about it. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.

Here are a few things you can do to manage caregiver guilt:

• Acknowledge it: Recognize that guilt is a common and normal emotion in caregiving.

• Ask why: Gently explore where the guilt is coming from and if it’s truly justified.

• Focus on intention: Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can with love and care.

• Set realistic expectations: You can’t do it all, and that’s okay.

• Learn from the moment: Use guilt as a teacher, not a punishment.

• Talk it out: Share your feelings with someone you trust or a support group.

• Give yourself grace: Forgive yourself for being human.

Caregiving will come with tough choices. So make decisions with care, accept that guilt may come, but don’t let it take over. Guilt can inform you, but don’t let it lead.

Journal Prompt: Has someone ever made you feel guilty about a caregiving decision? What did you need in that moment? What would it look like to release their judgment and trust your own voice? What suggestions do you have for others to deal with caregiver guilt?

You’re doing the best you can, and that matters. 💛

#TheCaregiverCEO #PowerMove #TheresaRobertson #CaregiverGuilt